Chuck's Blog

I'm awake...I know I'll be awake for a while yet too. There is something absolutely enchanting about being up late, basking in the glow of a computer screen. Being on Vox is particularly helpful in this. Ah well...I just tried typing up something, but its all ground that I've paced a million times before at this hour. Instead of poking old wounds, I think I'm just going to say that I'm happy I was given the chance to forgive. Time can't be turned back, but wounds can be healed. Time and love will heal the heart. Mine is now stronger than I'd ever have imagined possible. Even after the things that have happpened, my love is stronger, because I know I love deeply enough to forgive.

Thats the best I can do right now...Time to sleep.

I was folding clothes earlier and I was hit be this really weird feeling. I don't know why I bother writing about it anymore, but it continues to bother me unless I find some sort of outlet for it. Yeah, there are people I could talk to and who would listen, but I can never put it in the proper perspective when I try. It always turns into something mushy that I've said a billion and one times before. Not that I don't mean what I say when I say it that many times, but that I just can't seem to find the proper way to rephrase the statement in a way that will mean more this time than the last time I stated it. That probably doesn't make any sense, but there you are.
   You know, this always starts when I start remembering things. Like, from years ago...or months ago..or last week. The constant and continuous passing of time has just always been a point of great meaning to me. The things that have changed in the past have been the things that have shaped the present. And the present will be what shapes the future. On and on into infinity. Perhaps its just a deeply seated regret that I won't be here (hopefully) to see the final chapter, and I'll never get to read the Prologue. In fact, I will only ever see a fragment of a fragment (and so on) of whatever this existence amounts to. And really, it isn't my minutia that bothers me, its knowing that my  curiosity will never be satiated. Even if I traveled the world over, and saw all the wonders it had to offer, I'd still only be getting a glimpse.
You know, I don't think I ever told anyone this, but now is as good a time as any to jot this sort of thing down. Theres this thing i do in my head. When I'm about to take a test or I can't wrap my head around something in Chemistry or if I'm just in need of general inspiration. I close my eyes and take a breath. And in my head I sort of focus on this image. Its sort of how I imagine the Universe to work. A million forces and gears, unseen and seen, all turning in a way I could never even imagine. Just basking for a minute in the knowledge that everything is connected. Its somehow just really calming to think about, and helps me think much more clearly. It sounds really dumb reading it here, but I'm going to leave it, because its true whether it sounds dumb or not

Wow...this turned into a weird tangent. It happens. Now, to keep the theme of this post running, I just thought of something else worth writing down. There seems to be some sort of slow change in the people that I know. I feel like, with the exception of a very select few people, the past is sliding away from me. The people who I grew up with are all but gone. While I haven't generally been very good at keeping friends, the ones I was fairly certain I'd never lose have nearly disappeared. Its funny though, how its so much harder to listen to your own advice, true as it may be. I understood that transitioning to college would change a good deal of things. People would come. People would go. The reality of it all is a little harder to swallow than the words though. I know it doesn't make any sense at all to dwell so much on the past, but I like writing it here because I'm less likley to forget it this way. I think my future self will recall the who and why of this post. Or at least be capable of piecing it together. It just seems so odd to be casting off parts of my life that have been such a central part of how I grew up and what I became, for better or worse.

Then again, I'm a sentimental fool and its well past the time I intended to go to sleep. So I think I'll end this now for everyone's sake.

"On The Radio"
by Regina Spektor

This is how it works
It feels a little worse
Than when we drove our hearse
Right through that screaming crowd
While laughing up a storm
Until we were just bone
Until it got so warm
That none of us could sleep
And all the styrofoam
Began to melt away
We tried to find some worms
To aid in the decay
But none of them were home
Inside their catacomb
A million ancient bees
Began to sting our knees
While we were on our knees
Praying that disease
Would leave the ones we love
And never come again

On the radio
We heard November Rain
That solo's really long
But it's a pretty song
We listened to it twice
'Cause the DJ was asleep

This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath

No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again

And on the radio
You hear November Rain
That solo's awful long
But it's a good refrain
You listen to it twice
'Cause the DJ is asleep
On the radio
(oh oh oh)
On the radio
On the radio - uh oh
On the radio - uh oh
On the radio - uh oh
On the radio

What is your weirdest pet peeve?
Submitted by belliebean

TiffanyFork_small

The sound of metal on people's teeth. It makes my mouth ache. Dentist drills don't bother me so much though, oddly enough. Only silverware.

       I'm sitting here in my room, jamming out to tunes, and feeling a little bad for not updating Vox anymore. I really do need to make more time for updating this bad boy, because it seems like there isn't anything going on anymore on the interwebz. I've been pretty busy the past two weeks, but that is really no excuse. I've just been a lazy bastard. I do have three tests this week. One was yesterday, which, well, I'm expecting a low B simply because I didn't have the class when half the shit on there was covered. The other two I'm a little more worried about. My Chemistry test is the big one I'm worrying about. I feel like I have no friggin clue whats going on in there sometimes. I mean, I understand whats going on, I just detest the idea of spending hours memorizing a list of reactions. I dunno...I guess I'll sit down and do it tonight, but ugh, it seems like such busy work. I love knowing why and how the reactions work. I just don't feel like wasting my mental capacity on something that, once I'm in grad school, I'll just go look up in a book anyways. I guess its practice in retaining important information. Anyways, enough nerding out over Chemistry.
    
       I went to breakfast at like 10:30 this morning, and now that Waf (i only had half a waffle, and its not a wafFULL unless you have the whole thing) is upsetting my stomach. Its really interesting that me and Chris get along so well. Me and Tucker are really similar people, but he does his own thing most of the time, which is cool. Its still awesome to have someone to sit up until 3AM discussing the intracacies of World of Warcraft. It has become slightly weird how popular i seem now. I can't manage to go to a meal on campus without seeing someone I know (and generally they wave at me first). This is really smething new, and I can't say its a bad thing. It just means I'll have less reason to feel lonely in the winter months, as I am quite prone to doing. Dunno why the winter grates on me so, but it does. Anyways, I have lab in 2 hours and I still gotta do my prelab, so I'm just going to wrap this up.

Also, tomorrow is going to be the soccer game UNCG vs Wake.....honestly, I'm just excited that Lauren is coming :D

What is your theme song?
Submitted by Spanglish

I don't think I can rightly attribute myself just one theme song. I really like this song however, so perhaps we can call it one of many themesongs?

Cleanse Song- Bright Eyes

Hear the chimes, did you know that the wind when it blows
It is older than Rome and all of this sorrow
See the new pyramids down in old Manhattan
From the roof of a friend's I watched an empire ending
Heard it loud and long the river's Om
Time marching on to a madman's drum

Don't forget what you've learned all you give is returned
And if life seems absurd what you need is some laughter
And a season to sleep and a place to get clean
Maybe Los Angeles, somewhere no one is expecting
On a detox loft through a Glendale Park over sidewalk chalk
Someone wrote in red, "start over"
So I muffled my scream on an Oxnard beach
Full of fever dreams that scare you sober
Into saltless dinners

Take the fruit from the tree, break the skin with your teeth
Is it bitter or sweet? All depends on your timing
Like a meeting of chance with the train station glance
Many lifetimes had past in a instant reminded
Of a millstone house in a seaside town
When your heart gave out in a mission bed
So your wife gave birth to a funeral dirge
You woke up purged as a wailing infant
In Krug Thep, Thailand

Hear the chimes, did you know that the wind when it blows
It is older than Rome and our joy and our sorrow

Wow...Has it really been a week since I last updated? It seems so odd when I think about it. I don't have anywhere near the amount of free time I had last year, which I'm almost willing to say is a good thing. I actually feel like I'm getting a college experience worth having. I've made some legitimate friends here, and even though a few of them are opinionated conservatives that make my brain burn, they're a good group of guys. Johnson 3rd floor is good stuff this year. Yeah...I'm redoing my schedule, which is going to be either really good or really bad. I'm taking MTH 205 instead of 113 due to my Chemistry Major requirements, and I'm taking Computer Science 112, where I will learn some C++. It turning out to be an exciting year, which I love. I miss Lauren a lot...but I think I'll be ok. I'm seeing her tomorrow afternoon, which I can't wait for. I'm so used to seeing her over the sumer, and now I'm down to once a week, which is rough. I guess those are the penalties for being responsible...and delusional about the worth aof a 50k a year school. Hopefully it will all work out and I can actually get a decent job when I leave. If not...well...we can cross that bridge later.

I want to start a club here. I'm not entirely sure what it could be about though. I mean, there are no video game centered organizations here, which is sad, because there is so much tech stuff available. I think it would be pretty awesome. The funny thing is, I can see it being a huge success. Everyone here (or the large majority) dabbles in video games at one point or another. The library hosts a game night once a year that always ends up being awesome. I think we could do something similar, once a month maybe. Set up some halo 3, a few Brawl tournaments, maybe some CS/TF2 if we can get some loaners for it. It could easily end up being an epic event. I dunno though. I'd have to get some people's thoughts on the idea. I think I'll talk to Tucker when he gets back on Monday (he's going to see his girlfriend this weekend) and Chris. Not Fraser though...I've had enough frantic yelling for a bit....

Anyways, back to studying (playing video games)

Show us something that always makes you laugh.

LMB

How do you react when you're stressed?
Submitted by Deep Thinker

I pace. It helps keep me from getting stumped on one issue so I can get everything organized and start hammering out the details. I guess its just how I work :/

Anyways, I've been at Wake less than a week, and I am pooped. That COULD be because i spent the last 4 hours walking around a room and fixing all the Juniors laptops. (Funny how it seems like I have fixed EVERYONE ON CAMPUS'S LAPTOPS). I should probably still be there too. I left though. The other RTA's were sort of milling around watching me work, and when I told them my shift was over, they sorta fidgeted and said they were 'going to another station'. I gave them a face, looked at my phone, then said 'Oh, well, its 1:00...my shifted ended an hour ago....later." then I left. I am not doing their job, especially since I'm not paid by the hour. Anyways, I'm about to go take my dad's van home so I can get back and work on the list that has accumulated in my absence...Blech.

You know how it is when you're listening to a song and want to just burst out singing, but you can't because you're in a public place/work? I don't, because I sing anyways, much to the concern of my coworkers (apparently they thought I had been injured). While I do agree that my rendition of Mr Brightside could use some polishing, I don't think they had to be mean about it... Anywho, I'm finishing up my last laptop of the summer as I type, and its very relieving to be doing so. I've rather enjoyed working here the past couple of months, but I could certainly do with a break.

In other news, my stomach hurts from the Subway I had for lunch, so I'm shopping for some stuff online to take my mind off of it. I'm also brainstorming the wonderful gifts I'm getting Lauren for her 'hooray-you're-going-to-college' package. I think I've settled on a final list of gifts, and even though I won't be able to get ALL the stuff I wanted, I believe it will be well received =) I'm pretty much ecstatic about moving in tomorrow. I know I'm going to miss my family, and I'm gonna be worried about my mom, but I'm very ready to start my sophomore year.

Alas, a shit-ton of computers just got dropped off. Workworkworkworkwork time.
Funfun.