21 posts tagged “lauren”

You know, about 5 minutes ago, it dawned on me, as it is like to doing from time to time, just how fragile our existence is. I'm not just talking about human life, I mean the reality in which our lives play out. the system we all tend to follow blindly without a second thought. In America I believe this illusion is strongest, because we spend more time as a society wrapped up in the constructs of this simulated reality. I mean, it really is amazing if you dissect it. People thought that killing each other should be wrong. So we made it illegal. This, of course, isn't bound by any natural law, considering how easy it is to kill a person, so we created a legal system to uphold this, and other, synthetic laws. And the system we live in is constantly evolving. As I think about it, the more it reminds me of the Matrix. Which is lame, but true. The point being, as things become more complex in this system of ours, we become more sensitive to the jolts of natural reality that occur outside the machine we have built.
    The events of today and yesterday have had an impact on me in a way that hasn't exactly played out yet. Perhaps it just reminded me of the cruelty the world is capable of, both directly and indirectly, or maybe it just gave me a bearing on my position in life at the moment. A combination of both is most likely the case. Thus far, it has been both scary and exciting. On the one hand, I realized that nothing is ever so permanent as it seems, and as soon as you begin letting the glue dry is when it begins to pull away, even just a little bit. On the other hand, I realized once again just what my goal is in life. This humdrum college and job lifestyle is the means to a far greater end, or at least that is the plan. I refuse to end up trapped in the cycle of pain and despair that accompanies the American Middle Class Pit. I simply refuse to do it. I'm doing this to empower myself, not to get sucked in to the never ending vacuum of hell. The past couple of years have shaken my beliefs up a bit, because as one gets closer to the intended goal, the larger it looms over you. Now that I've completed the first leg of the ascent I realize I was right from the start. Yes, it is going to be hard, but it will be worth it in the end. Maybe thats the delusion everyone suffers. That its all worth it. Be that fact or fiction, there is only one way to know for sure. As time goes on, I'm sure more obstacles will arise, and I'll lose my footing, but I am determined to reach the top of this accursed mountain. The same mountain my parents were victims to, tumbling into a ravine of unhappy complacency, now too weak to make it out. I've been given the means to reach the top, from them and by the grace of God, and I am going to do it.
    I also will not let this trek consume my existence. I am in love with the most amazing woman to have ever graced this planet, and every day she gives me the willingness to keep climbing, for both our sake. As well as keeping me from over doing it, reminding me that it isn't the destination, but the climb thats the thrill. Not a minute goes by when I'm with her that everything isn't a wonderful sight, and when we're apart, I know I have to keep going, because the view will be better for us both. If it wasn't for Lauren, I would have likely sunk into my own despair by now, and I couldn't thank her enough for loving me.
    This ridiculous metaphor has gone on long enough I believe. And I feel a little less weighed down than I did before. I think the point of this whole rant was to say that reality is never predictable, but I can control my own choices within the greater system of things. I am going to succeed. I am going to love Lauren until I die. And that is just how its going to be damn it.

Yeah...Exactly 1 month ago today, I took my last exam before the end of my first semester of college. And exactly one month ago tomorrow, my baby got a 30 lb cyst removed from her Ovary...along with said ovary. It really has been an eventful month, and I don' think I've done my Vox justice, but now that I'm back in school, I promise more regular updates. (At least I'll try!!)

So lets see, whats been going on?
Well, me and Lauren had a really good time last night! We went to Ruby Tuesday, where I got a Metroid Prime Burger (Yes, I will call it that) which was freakin delicious. Afterwards, we went back to her house and snuggled and slept until the ungodly hour of 6:30 AM when we had to get up and go to our school/work. It was a really fun night =)
Work wasn't so bad today, even if it did drag on for ever. They gave me 2 "Royal Tickets" to the Grand Theater, and a $20 gift certificate for Food at the Grand. This is all for "Outstanding work that went above and beyond the call of duty" (i.e. they felt bad because I worked my ass off the past 2 weeks) So yeah. Me and Lauren are going to see Cloverfield when it opens Friday. I have been dying to see this movie ever since I saw the previews, but I didn't think I was gonna get to go. So yay for random appreciation gifts! I'm not too sure lauren is all that thrilled about the movie itself, but a large, refillable tub of popcorn and soda (for free) at a nice theater (also for free) has enticed her to be excited about the trip anyways.

In other news:
I finally start classes back tomorrow! I can't decide whether to be freaked out or excited. I'm mostly excited about my Computer Science class. I've always wanted some sort of skill that would actually lead to a tangible (sorta) product. Now, I'm going to actually know how to make something. Dunno what, but I know I'm going to be learning Java, so whatever that entails. So yeah. Not too excited about Econ though. I just have this feeling the teacher is gonna be a jerk. He has a cool name. Boko. I mean, its short, easy to remember, and fun to say. (Come on, say Boko to yourself. Fun huh?) It should almost be an adverb. Ex:  "I'm gonna go Boko if I don't get a muffin ASAP!"
You get the idea. Anyways, yeah, I think I'm gonna call it a night and be well rested for Boko's 9:00 AM (AUGH! WHY DID I SIGN UP FOR A 9 AM CLASS!!) class.

This has been a week of very mixed emotions. On the good end, my girlfriend Lauren is recovering well from her surgery, and she is going to be feeling much better before long. Also, it IS the first week of Christmas Break. Plus, I got a 3.4 GPA for my first semester of college =).

The bad news is a little more scattered but a little more difficult to clear up. My mom has been to the hospital for migraines, meaning my dad is mad because he thinks she just wanted drugs. Now, earlier today, she went to the dentist to et her teeth checked and she has two abscessed teeth that need to be removed. That is gonna be 500 bucks -.- 

BUT w/e! I got Lauren's Christmas presents yesterday, and I think she is gonna love them!!!!

BTW, This amuses me:

Bad Respawn

Well....It's 9:30 AM now. Why am I awake? NO EFFIN CLUE. My alarm wasn't even SET until 5 minutes from now. Yet, for some reason, I hopped out of bed (thinking it was later) and showered, dressed, got ready to go, THEN looked at the clock. Why am I so disoriented? I was up until 3 AM rewriting a history paper I'd already written. This took from 8 PM until 3 AM. 7 hours of Russian history. My brain was sizzling last night lol. The only things I can thank to me actually managing this are caffeine, and Dragonforce. The combination of those two make it a lot easier to just rock out and do a paper. Even if it takes 7 hours and you just have "Through the Fire and Flames" on loop. I probbably broke a record for "most times a person ever listened to the same song over and over again" in the category of "Songs lasting more than 5 minutes" Yeah...that was my night. BUT I am officially DONE with the semester. I just have to get through exams and I'm gone. No more school work. WOOT! I guess WSFC deserved a 2 hour delay this morning (that I REALLY wish we had gotten) considering I get out of school two weeks before they do. (Is rolling in pleasure over tis in order to keep himself awake)

I'm super excited about this afternoon though! I get to see my gilfriend! And she is cooking me dinner! She= best cook ev3r. I feel bad though, because I have no culinary skills whatsoever. (Except with Cobbler. I make a mean cobbler) I guess I can do dishes to help out. Hooray manual labor! lol Well, speaking of food, I've burnt enough time to make getting breakfast seem like a better idea.

Later Taters

Wow...I guess it has been a bit since I've updated. Not much has happened thats worth really putting here, with one exception. I finally met Lauren's dad Thursday 0.0 It went well I think. I believe he liked being able to revel in his glory days at Wake with someone who is actually going there. Regardless of why, he seemed to like me well enough, as did the rest of the family. After that we went to my family's Thanksgiving dinner, and I can only imagine the horrible things Lauren must have been thinking about them but will not admit to. They are a bit strange, but I don't think they are any different from any other Redneck-ish blue collar family in the South. (That may seem really specific, but there is a large enough percentage for it to be its own category) But yeah....that was it really. I spent lots of time with lauren and lots of time playing Call of Duty 4, which is probably the best game that has come out this year. Yes, that includes Halo 3. I'm sorry, but the multiplayer action is so much cleaner and more intuitive than running around and shooting at everything that moves. Plus the ranking system is pretty awesome. Anyways, I have my car back! Valentino is finally back in working condition and, believe or not, is running better than before. Other than those two bits of info, all has been quiet on the Western Front.

This is what happens when I get bored......and have sudden Nerd-withdrawal symptoms. Perhaps I should break out the World of Warcraft.....yeah..I think i will.

BOOM

Ok. Now that my hw is sort of out of the way and I feel less crappy, I think I'll type up a half way decent post.

So lets see, its been a fairly eventful weekend to say the least. Friday I took off from work to come visit my wonderful girlfriend in Orchestra. Also, as is quite visible, I have not bothered to shave in about 2 weeks now, so I'm looking pretty scraggly.  condition which is worsening at an exponential rate. I hope to look like a hobo by Thanksgiving. But yeah, after that I went home Friday night and chilled with my family.

LaurenandChuck

Saturday, I ended up hanging out with a plethora of people, including: erzo,OWXCpeely,Lauren, Kearstin, Scott, Byron, and Samia. This was a little awkward at first, but I turned out ok. Of course there was a little drama because...thats just how it works, but still, not a bad time. Right up until I left that is. Me, being the generous soul I am, volunteered to take Samia and Faith home. After, i dunno, about 4 miles, Valentino, my trusty car of 2 years now, starts making funny noises. By the time i get of the highway at the next exit, and pull in to a side street to see whats up, she dies completely. My poor car finally gave out ='( After 2 years and so getting me through so much crap. I mean, that car has more sentimental value to me than anything I've ever owned. That car has seen quite a bit in the past 2 years lol. But for the time being, she is disabled and broken down. (The diagnosis is that it should be a simple fix. But still....my poor baby is broken)

 So Lauren had to come rescue my butt from the side of the road in the middle of the night  (now we've both  done this)  and take the three of us home. 

I won't get in to the transgressions of later Saturday night and Sunday Morning. Lets just say, though I now feel emotionally exhausted, everything is good now I believe.

And that leaves me here. For the first time, STUCK at Wake. Its an entirely different mentality than I've had yet. See, before, if I really wanted to, I could take off. Now, not so much. I mean, I do know how to hot-wire a car in case of Nuclear Fallout/Apocalyptic occurrence, but unless that happens, I'm trapped in the WFU "Bubble". Damn-it. I'm already getting socially claustrophobic. I never thought id actually be STUCK with all of these preppy jerks without the option of leaving. UGH! I'm gonna lose my mind....Provided I haven't already lost it. Which is perhaps arguable. then again, if I think its arguable, can I really have lost it? But does that whole "if you know you're razy, then you aren't." thing actually hold true? Maybe I invented that to rationalize my sanity and have implanted it in my memory to rationalize it further........See what I mean, I'm losing it lol (that was a joke btw, in case you couldn't tell)

    FINALLY I can say I'm caught up on my work. I just finished my research paper on Bob Dylan/ Phil Ochs, and I believe I pwned my history midterm earlier as well. All in all,good day. Today was a good day even without those things though. Well, perhaps it was a product of things cumulatively, but...anyways, it'll make sense when I explain it. For the past week or so, I've felt really sluggish. Not physically, but mentally. I started thinking about something I had sort of taken for granted when  started doing all of this. Namely, why? I mean, i know WHY, but still, I forgot to ask myself if this is really what I want to do for the next 4 years. There are so many things I can be doing with my time, that it makes me wonder if spending all this time and money is what i really wanted to do. I mean, i didn't really see myself doing anything else, I'd go nuts if I just let myself rot away in a dead-end job for the rest of my life, but still, point is, there are other things I can be doing. Last night, I think I realized why I'm doing all of this. Because deep down, even when I'm sick of doing all his work, I LOVE doing this shit. Like, really, i do. I hate busy work, but things that matter, like knowing the history of Europe, or knowing how to make cis-2-propyl-3-chloro-2-cyclohexane (which I can do now) [not that I have any idea what it DOES, but I can make it :)] That sort of thing. I enjoy thinking and rationalizing and theorizing. Not just about science, but life and nature and the human spirit and ALL of that crap. and you know, after I realized this, I felt like i could think more clearly than I have in over a year. Which is probably part of the reason that did well on my test. I haven't felt that on top of things in a long while. I'm not entirely sure where I was going with this post, but the point is that right now I'm as happy as I've been in a while. I'm at an amazing University, I have a ton of opportunities to succeed in whatever i want to, and I have the most amazing girlfriend ever to share it with. Honestly, right now, rocks.

And also, Bobombs!

Bobomb

Thats how i feel right now. A loud and disgusted "Uuuuuggggghhh....." The only good news I've had today is that my darling girlfriend Lauren got into UNCG :)  Other than that, its been a snow ball ride down a hill of suck. I'm going to have to take out a $8000 dollar loan (another one) My brother is failing 2 classes, so of course him and my dad are at each others throats. And, I have to go home tomorrow to get money. Its not like I don't want to be home, but I am going to feel like the world's biggest douche when my family is all "HEY! We haven't seen you in forever!!" and then I have to say "Oh, well, I gotta leave. Bye." I mean, just thinking about it makes me depressed.....uggtsfdsmnkjjfjgfhjgdhd!!!!!!!!!!!!!! To hell with it...I'm just gonna go shower and eat.

Well, I guess I can say I've settled in to the Wake Forest community at this point. I know everyone on my hall and quite a few people on the other floors in the building. None of the other buildings matter because Johnson owns. I've gotten use to my schedule and everything, which has made my life easier because I've forgotten to set my alarm twice and woken up before it would have even went off. Homework has been simple enough i guess. Finished my first Chemistry lab with no major complications ( i got to wear my awesome Wake lab coat in lab today. I felt special) This year is shaping up to be much easier than last year really. Except I seem to be ALWAYS hungry, which is bothersome and unhealthy for sure. Like, 2 hours after eating a roast beef sandwich, soup, and a calzone for lunch I felt like i hadn't eaten all day :/. I dunno. Hopefully it will pass. I seem to be a lo less stressed so far than I was last year. being able to focus on my school work and my life in general has made me feel a lot less worn out (mentally anyways). My dad made me feel a little shitty today though. Acted like I was lazy for having 2 classes a day and just a little homework to do. I mean, he works his ass off, I know, but i did last year so I COULD do this, then again that seems to have gone off the radar at this point. I know I'm making a big deal out of nothing, and I know he was just joking, but still. Its a little grating when people say you're lazy and have everything so great when you're paying 45k a year you don't really have to get an education so you can pay off said loans. lol, I think I'm just in a bitchy mood because I didn't get to talk to Lauren today. Plus, food at the Pit has started to degenerate with each passing meal. I think they cook ALL their food with the same grease. It all has the same weird, "I was mass produced" taste. I dunno. I think I'll just go play World of Warcraft until I deem it fitting to go to sleep.